CAUTION: THE PURPOSE OF THIS POST IS TO INSPIRE AND MOTIVATE. NO NEGATIVITHave you ever felt like you are surrounded by darkness, I don’t mean the darkness you see where the light is off when you’re going to bed, I’m talking about the spiritual darkness, where you’re lost and your life reflection just seems like none existent, where your Life is not going the way you planned it to go and things are just falling apart? Let me tell you, I have been there, and I surely don’t want to be there ever again. Have you experienced it, do you feel like you’re currently going through it? Do not give up, you are not alone, many others felt or are feeling the same right now. In 2016-19 my university life, my life was absolutely surrounded by Darkness. I had just started university, moved out to live in a shared house with another girl, and as you could imagine, me, a 21-year-old girl from Germany at a British University (Yes, England got a bad reputation) alone, with no life experience being thrown in a lukewarm pool of temptation and huge responsibilities, the pool water was just warm enough for me to stay. Things just happened fast, new lifestyle, new friends, new surroundings, a new level of freedom, access to things I haven’t thought of doing before, and so on. U can imagine how things went, I got surrounded by bad influence very quickly that I didn’t have time to reflect on my life, how typical, right? Yes I know, not everyone goes through these types of bad experiences at university. Some people actually manage to keep their pure Christian life and some are just well behaved, of course as long as they’ve got similar people surrounded by them. However, this depends on your surroundings and who you allow to influence you. The people I then used to call my friends, were not the right people to be around a Christian girl, surely they didn’t know the level of influence they had on me, they loved drinking and partying, some liked to smoke day and night, and I must say, I found myself just doing the same as a normal activity.
One thing I stuck to was going to church. A Pentecostal church my brother used to attend, opened their arms just wide enough to welcome me as a new member. Every Sunday, no matter what, I tried my best to go to church, even after a long night out in the club. Sometimes I managed to take my friends along with me as well. At first, things were going well, I got to know Christ in a deeper way, I felt the presence of God and I started to feel Loved, I even joined the choir and served tea and coffee after church as a chore in the house of the Lord, I felt like they were a newly won family, who I can turn to when in need. WRONG. I had many meetings as they called it, to talk sense into me, telling me to focus on God, and STOP the partying and sometimes calling me things I don’t want to mention, things just got to the point where I wasn’t comfortable anymore to go to church. Which ended with me neglecting the church and falling back from the presence of the Lord. I could just feel it, the temptations were stronger, they were pulling me closer, and things were just falling apart, I lost focus on university, I lost focus on church, I just started to ‘enjoy’ life. One thing remained the Love of God. For years now I’ve got this verse that’s been marked only heart: “For I know the plans I have for you, declared the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” - Jeremiah 29:11. I read this verse once during church Bible studies and never lost it since. Whenever I felt like I have failed so much and couldn’t find the courage to talk to God I would remember this verse and ask God for forgiveness, unfortunately, that was not the end.
At times I’d find myself opening the door for temptation to come in and then again, I’d ask God for forgiveness on repeat, towards the end of my 2nd year at university I had already stopped doing certain things I had asked God to take away from my life, including friends. Looking back now, I see and understand how God worked then. Losing those friends had also made me reflect on my life and changed the way I was living. I had stepped back to reflect on my life and then I had moved into a shared house with professionals, allowing me to find focus on myself, God, Family, and my Studies. I asked God to forgive me and I had repented. Do you know what the meaning of Repenting is? it means ‘asking for forgiveness and never look back, meaning not doing whatever it is again’. I know we are Human, and often we find ourselves sinning here and there. But I did not stop trusting in God.
After all that, in summer of 2019 I was traveling a lot. I tried to find a partner (which isn’t our job to do but God’s) a man that would be:
Godfearing
Loving
Caring
Responsible
Respectful
Loyal
and Handsom (Bonus)
Yes, you guessed it right I didn’t find him. I had come across men who did not tick off my boxes. I prayed a couple of times for God to direct me to the right person over and over when I had just stopped looking, that’s when God brought this tall handsome man into my life, I liked him a lot, things were on a rollercoaster up and down, often lower than up, but as I was trusting in God day and night, things were going well and he chose me, stayed with me, loved me, cared for me, respected me and my family, he is loyal, handsome and most importantly Godfearing. In summer 2020 we had a handsome Baby Boy who had brought us closer to each other and of course, to God, Life is Good and I managed to leave all the university behaviors behind me. Today I am a changed woman or should I say, Mother. Things might have not gone the right way according to the Holy Bible but who can truly fully live according to the Bible ? Just know that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel with God waiting for you. I can’t wait to see all the amazing things God has planned for our future.
Could I have done it without having and Trusting God? No. I want to encourage you that, no matter WHAT you are going through and facing in Life. TRUST in God, trust and believe that he will change things for the better, if you are knowingly sinning on a daily, go to your room, lock the door, if you like put on a gospel song (if you don’t have one listen to ‘Made a way - Travis Greene’ or ‘ My world needs you - Kirk Franklin’ These are related to this topic) go on your knees and just start talking to God. If you don’t know how to start, let me help you out
“Father Lord, I know I might have not been talking to you as often as you want me to, but I want to thank you for Loving me I want to thank you for keeping me alive, waking me up every day, giving me the chance to face a new day, allowing me to repent and to change my life, so much has been going on and today,y I want to ask you to help me to repent, I’m asking you to forgive me all my sins, starting from today I want to turn away from my sinful life, I want to love you and get closer to you, with your help I believe I can do it. Lord, I thank you, in your name, I pray, Amen
Thank you so much for staying through this post, thank you for your interest in my story. I hope I could help you to focus on God. Stay prayerful and healthy, Will see you next week.
Yours truly, COCOSSOUL
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